* picture of my 2nd brother and i.

sighh, i think we broke up. I seriously dont want it to happen this way.. but it did. I hope Aza's not mad at me. I'm really sorry. Life's still miserable for me. Ben had been calling me for the past few days but i didnt answer him. He even called Danny to ask about me.

Oh yea, speaking of Danny, we're okay again. He came to my room yesterday night at around 2 in the morning! i was asleep already. He woke me up and said he was sorry. He then gave me a veryvery thight hug which i almost died from. lol. there's a picture of us above. & that was the very first picture we took when we first arrived in Aust. We do look the same right? lol. & i was having a bad hair day that day.. thats explain why my hair's flat. and dont ask why i wasnt looking at the camera. oh, picture was taken by Amme. I love Danny very much! He's the only bro that understand me! My first bro, he always busy with his gf and work that he have no free time for us.. hate him! :P lol.

after Danny apologised, i couldnt go back to sleep. it was 2:30am by then. So i went in to Danny's room and turned out he couldnt sleep too. He was playing his guitar and humming alone. so i join him. i think i was very sleepy that i slept in his room till 11am this morning. Mom came in the room and was shocked. lol. cause she knew we were fighting.

maybe tomorow i'll give Ben a surprise visit at his workplace. He worked in a restaurant his dad owns. i forgot what the restaurant's called. should i go? i mean i've kept Ben waiting since i started avoiding everyone.. sighh.. i feel bad. its already 3:15pm now. i need to go now. 4:30pm, my parents are bringing all of us to go sight-seeing. i cant wait! i'm gona take my shower now and get ready. goodbye.

wow, its Friday already. i've been avoiding a lot of people lately. i've avoided Ben and his friends, Danny, and my friends both in singapore and perth. i dont know what have gotten into myself. i feel like ending my life right now. i'm sorry msn peeps, i wont be going online for the time being.

i dont know why but i felt like listing all(almost) my problems here, right now.

Firstly, i had a big fight with Danny. incase you dont know who Danny is, he's my second older brother. he's 2o years old but doesnt look like one.. maybe because we have asian blood in us. okay, the problem right now is that he always ticked me off. just now in the morning, while we were having breakfast, he told me that he got 2 tickets and that he's bringing me to catch a movie. but later, he told me that he changed his mind and that he's catching a movie with his new friend, Amy. i was soo angry that i punched him hard in the arm. He then shouted at me saying i was fucked up all.. oh hell, lets just forget bout it. i feel like its all my fault that i had a fight with him even tho he kinda started it. i want to apologise to him but..

i think i've fallen for Ben but i cant! i cant love him! i dont know why! i'm sorry Aza. i cant control my feelings. i seriously cant. i dont know who to choose right now. Aza, my current boyfriend or Ben, my bestfriend. i know this is wayyy wrong but.. i dont know. I need peace.

and Kira, i read your blog. i know what i'm doing now is wrong. I'm so sorry. Please dont think i'm a bitch or a slut. Please. I'm really sorry. Aza's so far away from me. I couldnt feel the actual feeling of love between me and him even tho i love him. But Ben is with me. He's not far away.
Please understand me. right now, i dont know how to tell Aza about this. i'm afraid that i'll break his heart. Dont worry, i'll tell him when the time is right. Please keep it away from him. Thank you and i'm really sorry for everything.

i'm in a daze.couldnt figure out what i did was right or wrong. i felt bad for him.. or maybe i'm not. Ben held a party at his house.. that night, i actually got drunk! Ben called my parents telling them that i was sleeping over. that was worst sleepover i had! i remembered hugging and kissing Ben before going to bed. But nothing actually happen. Just slept next to Ben. well, whatever.. i feel weird when i meet up with Ben now. Maybe we'll stop meeting each other for the time being.. whenever i'm with Ben, i feel all fucked up. i dont know how i should feel.. angry? happy? sigh.. well, here's the photo i took with Ben and his friends during the party.

oh and, i'm sorry.

i am so sorry to the people in msn.
had a lazy day yesterday.
and actually woke up late.
around 3-4pm.
right after i woke up, Ben called.
told me he was trying to reach me since 12 pm.
sorry BEN!
FYI, i am so touched by my msn peeps.
THEY MISSED ME!
love you guys.

Ben called me to accompany him.
his friends was unavailable.
and i was unavailable too.
followed mum shopping.
sorry BEN again!
you should have called me earlier.
i would like to accompany you.
but i cant.
sorry ya?

OKAY.

it has been a week since i first step in perth.

and decided to blog about it now.

since i have got nothing better to do now.

so why not, right?

its great here.

the weather is great, summer.

packed the last box 2 days ago and the house is still in a huge mess.

maybe let mum clean it all up.

i just hate it, hate the mess, hate the cleaning up.

amme's sick.

she gets home sick easily.

she was getting used to rome.

and we moved again so.

she giving me the virus now.

i'm feeling dizzy and all.

anyway amme didnt follow me today.

due to the virus.

went out with new friends.

johnathan height, sandra raft and BENITO HANDERSON.

john and sandra, they are great.

history of them, THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 4 YEARS.

i want to be them so much.

i just cant.

ben, his cheeky and all.

met him today.

and he was cute,funny and hot.

walked next to me and told me silly but hilarious jokes.

no offence ya.

packed all my belongings.

i am going to miss nanau, paulo, landon and erica.

MISS YOU SWEETHEARTS!

i am still able to come online.

to KIRA and AYANO, dear.

as long as this laptop is with me,

YOU GUYS ARE NOT GOING TO BE LONELY, okay?

i am thinking of deleting this freaking disguisting blog.

but was stopped by AYANO.

she was me to keep it updated.

I WILL!

2 more days to flight and all furiture are being shipped

over to PERTH.

FEELING EXCITED!

gonna make some new hotties friends there.

*sorry baby, cant help it >.<

anyway what's in Perth.

gonna make research on it now!