wow, its Friday already. i've been avoiding a lot of people lately. i've avoided Ben and his friends, Danny, and my friends both in singapore and perth. i dont know what have gotten into myself. i feel like ending my life right now. i'm sorry msn peeps, i wont be going online for the time being.

i dont know why but i felt like listing all(almost) my problems here, right now.

Firstly, i had a big fight with Danny. incase you dont know who Danny is, he's my second older brother. he's 2o years old but doesnt look like one.. maybe because we have asian blood in us. okay, the problem right now is that he always ticked me off. just now in the morning, while we were having breakfast, he told me that he got 2 tickets and that he's bringing me to catch a movie. but later, he told me that he changed his mind and that he's catching a movie with his new friend, Amy. i was soo angry that i punched him hard in the arm. He then shouted at me saying i was fucked up all.. oh hell, lets just forget bout it. i feel like its all my fault that i had a fight with him even tho he kinda started it. i want to apologise to him but..

i think i've fallen for Ben but i cant! i cant love him! i dont know why! i'm sorry Aza. i cant control my feelings. i seriously cant. i dont know who to choose right now. Aza, my current boyfriend or Ben, my bestfriend. i know this is wayyy wrong but.. i dont know. I need peace.

and Kira, i read your blog. i know what i'm doing now is wrong. I'm so sorry. Please dont think i'm a bitch or a slut. Please. I'm really sorry. Aza's so far away from me. I couldnt feel the actual feeling of love between me and him even tho i love him. But Ben is with me. He's not far away.
Please understand me. right now, i dont know how to tell Aza about this. i'm afraid that i'll break his heart. Dont worry, i'll tell him when the time is right. Please keep it away from him. Thank you and i'm really sorry for everything.